The Tessen Chronicles
by TA Maxwell
Summary: Co-written with Huffpuff. Late one night, a very hungry Tasuki crept to the kitchen, only to encounter something very scary And Tasuki quickly gave his usual reaction...REKKA SHINEN! Which could have been the worst mistake of his life. Thus it begins...
1. Prologue

Ohaiyo and konnechiwa minna! TA here with another story, co-written with Huffpuff! Won't say what ideas are hers and which are mine, so just give us both credit for the whole darn thing =P Anyway…this is the prologue for a story which should prove to be rather interesting. We like to call it….*ominous music*….  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
The Tessen Chronicles  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Our tale begins within a book. Where an unexpected misfortune was befalling a certain fiery-haired seishi. It began with a chance encounter inside of the Konan palace...  
  
Growl. GRRRROWL! Tasuki's stomach was making its needs known once again. After finally recovering from his last hangover, Tasuki was ready to eat again.  
  
"TASUKI!!!" a feminine voice yelled.  
  
"I didn't fucking do it," Tasuki mumbled to himself, before sneaking out of his room and down the stairs before Miaka could find him.  
  
Tasuki crept slowly towards the kitchen, moving stealthily with only the moonlight shining through the windows to illuminate his way. He was careful not to make a sound, knowing that Miaka was on the warpath again about her missing lipstick. Tasuki only vaguely remembered painting it onto Kouji, after the blue-haired bandit had lost their drinking contest. Tasuki winced, as he heard Miaka's voice once again piercing the night.  
  
Just a little bit further, Tasuki thought. He heard Tamahome's voice from upstairs, soothing the savage miko, and now he ran towards the kitchen, not wanting to hear more of Tamahome's 'comforting' activities.  
  
Finally, Tasuki reached the enormous kitchen. He slid across the floor until he reached the gigantic pantry, which he knew to be filled with food. No one will mind if I just have a little snack, Tasuki thought, pulling on the handle. It wouldn't open. Tasuki pulled harder, with the same result. He moved his hand down along the door, until he encountered a chain and a padlock. There was a tiny piece of paper attached to the padlock.  
  
Tasuki picked up a candled from the nearby table and gently lit it with his tessen. He held up the note and read it. "Kuso!" Tasuki cried, crumpling up the note, which had read, 'Back off! This food is the property of the Suzaku no Miko!'  
  
"I knew she was pig, but this is fuckin pushin it...I'm starved!!" Tasuki whined. Then, he hesitated. Was it his imagination, or had he seen something dash by the kitchen doorway?  
  
Tasuki shrugged, thinking that his stomach was probably playing tricks on his mind, due to his current state of starvation. Besides, at this point, Tasuki was too hungry to care. Just as he was about to take the tessen out and use it to melt the padlock (mind you, Tasuki was really hungry, having eaten nothing all day), he heard a suspicious noise behind him. Now he had a real predicament: melt the padlock and satisfy his roaring stomach, or check on the noise.  
  
"Suzaku dammit!!! I'm hungry enough to out-eat Miaka..." Tasuki muttered to himself before holding his tessen ready to attack and gliding across the kitchen to the doorway.  
  
Standing before him, Tasuki saw an outline more horrifying than any he'd ever before witnessed. It seemed to belong to a creature that was neither human nor monster, but rather, some horrifying mixture of the two. The creature walked upright, but its body seemed to be that of a gelatinous blob, and it's face was a grotesque mixture of wrinkles, spots, and hairs. Ashitare? Tasuki wondered to himself. No, Ashitare is a lot bigger than that. And he looks more human. No matter. This was an intruder, and he was the one who had to deal with it... "REKKA...."  
  
"Bakem--" a wizened voice began, as the creature turned.  
  
"SHINEN!!!" Tasuki cried, sending his signature attack out to engulf the creature. The burst of flame illuminated the creature as it zoomed towards it. "Oh shit..." Tasuki squeaked, recognizing the creature all too late.  
  
A moment later, the flames disappeared, and a Cajun-blackened version of Taiitsukun stood before him. "I do not appreciate being flamed thusly," a crispy Taiitsukun said grumpily.  
  
"Taiitsukun! What in the hell are ya doing here, sneaking around the palace at night?! I thought ya were a monster!" Tasuki yelled.  
  
This comment was enough to snap the last of Taiitsukun's patience. "Tasuki, you and that tessen are quite a menace. Not to mention the fact that you just yelled so loud that the whole palace probably knows that I here by now. Now, I'll never be able to glomp Joe Schmoe!"  
  
"Glomp...Joe…Schmoe? Who the hell is he?!"  
  
"You know, guard number 207. He's just such a bishie!"  
  
Tasuki gulped, looking horrified. "You're old enough to be his grandmother!"  
  
"Grandmother or not, you're still going to pay for this..." Taiitsukun's voice was enough to know she was peeved to the greatest extent.  
  
Tasuki blanched. "Shitshitshitshitshiiiiiiit! Don't kill me I'm too young and too damned pretty to dieeee!!!"  
  
"I had something else in mind for you, Tasuki," Taiitsukun said, snatching the tessen from Tasuki's hand.  
  
"Ey! What are ya doin' with my tessen?! Give it back, Taiitsukun! Onegai!" Tasuki said, a frightened note entering his voice.  
  
"I think not," Taiitsukun said, opening up an interdimensional portal.  
  
Tasuki paled whiter than he already was. "Hey...Taiitsukun...you're...not gonna......are ya.....?"  
  
Once the hole was large enough, she pushed the tessen through and closed the portal.  
  
"Matte! Onegai!" Tasuki cried desperately lunging towards where the tessen had once been, but it was too late.  
  
"That takes care of that little problem," Taiitsukun said, wiping off her hands, with an air of self-satisfaction. "Now, where is that sexy Joe Schmoe?"  
  
"Bakayaro sunukake baba...." Tasuki growled. "He's on leave in Mitsukake's village..."Then he pouted. "What am I gonna do without my tessen?" But his question remained unanswered for the night, as Taiitsukun was already gone.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
What will happen to the Tessen?!  
  
Wherever did Taiitsukun send it to?!  
  
Will Tasuki ever be able to get back his precious weapon?!  
  
What horrors will he have to endure?!  
  
Will Miaka get her revenge for her missing lipstick?!  
  
Will Taiitsukun effectively find and glomp Joe Schmoe?!  
  
Will TA ever shut up with the questions?!  
  
TA: Delete that Nuriko…  
  
Nuriko: ehehe…..*posts* 


	2. The FushigiYuugiFunFest2002

Disclaimer: We don't own Fushigi Yuugi, and we are not profiting from this story in any way.

Note: Hello! Huffpuff here, with another chapter co-written by myself and TA Maxwell. It's so much fun writing with her! I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as we liked writing it! Oh, and Mystica, you were right on with your guess.

It was late in the afternoon when people began lining up for the cosplay session at FushigiYuugiFunFest 2002. Anjali sighed and pushed her hand through her long black curls. _The least they could do is air condition this place,_ she thought. _I wonder where Shanna is. I can't find her in this crowd. _

Looking around at the cosplayers, there had to be at least ten Tasukis, each with their own fan. _Not one of them_, Anjali thought, _is_ _glompworthy._

"Yeesh," Anjali mumbled to herself, as some random bulky guy dressed as Tamahome pushed into her. "Where's the tessen when you need it?" she muttered, glaring at the Tamahome-wannabe.

__

Maybe I should have come as Nuriko this year. At least then, I might have a chance of pushing through this crowd, Anjali thought, looking down at her kawaii Tama-neko costume. _Nobody will move aside for Tama-neko. But they would move aside for Mitsukake..._She eyed one man dressed as the big guy himself. Her jokester self was encouraging her to pounce him then and there and start purring. _After all, he really does look like Mitsukake. Then again, do I really want some Mitsukake clone to think that I'm hitting on him? _She shook her head quickly. _No girl, bad mind. No pouncing._

Just a little further up in the line, people were beginning to stare, as a group of five of the ugliest Tasukis ever seen began forming a kick line and dancing. They even used their tessens in the choreography, yelling 'Rekka Shinen' at certain moments.

If Anjali were an anime character, she would have sweatdropped. _What the hell are they doing? Tasuki does NOT do anything so--bizarre._ (To Anjali, drinking to excess and doing the Happy Bandit Dance did not seem bizarre.)

Finally, after the torture was over, as one they all threw their tessens high into the air...and into the crowd. _Why, oh why, must they defame my beloved Tasuki in thi—_

Pain shot through her skull as a tessen fell directly onto her head. "Ow!!!" Anjali cried, looking up from her thoughts in dismay to wonder what had hit her. _If it's that baka Tamahome guy again..._

Wait a minute...it's one of those tessens! That thing ain't paper... Anjali thought, staring at the shining object on the ground before her. A smirk danced across her face. _They won't miss this..._ she thought, bending down to pick up the gleaming tessen.

__

Whoa! This thing is really heavy! How did those morons manage to toss it all the way back here? Must have been the big one...Anjali looked up to see a 200lb Tasuki vanishing offstage. _Ick!_ she thought, trying to shake off the horrible mental image. _After having to look at that thing, I certainly deserve to keep this tessen. Besides, after the way they just wronged Tasuki, none of them should get their tessens back._

Wait...WHAT TIME IS IT?! Anjali suddenly panicked. Her father had told her to meet him at exactly 5:00, or else. Her watch now read 5:20. Letting out a string of curses bad enough to make Tasuki bow his head in defeat, she turned and began forcing her way through the crowd, tessen in hand.

__

Hang on! I forgot about Shanna! I'd better find her and tell her that I'm leaving. I'd better find her and tell her that I'm leaving, Anjali thought, now frantically scanning the crowd for her friend. Her mother had been right. She should have brought her cellphone. Shanna had to be ONE of those blue specks among the crowd. Of course, if she had brought her cellphone, her mother would undoubtedly be calling her on it right now.

After about five minutes of searching, and one unfortunate pinch on the ass by some guy dressed like Miboshi, Anjali finally caught sight of Shanna. Predictably, she was glomped on to a Nuriko cosplayer. Shanna had dressed as Hotohori for just such an occasion, though Anjali laughed to see such a reversal of roles between the supposed emperor and the supposed cross-dresser. 

"SHANNA!!" Anjali called out, trying not to laugh from the circumstances. "I HAVE TO GO!"

Without releasing the hapless Nuriko (who was kinda cute), Shanna winked, nodded in Nuriko's direction, and waved goodbye. If Anjali had been an anime character, she would have sweatdropped. For one, she was at this scene without a camera (this was something that River would have to see to believe), and two, her father was probably going to kill her, or worse, lock up her Tasuki Wallscrolls!

__

But he doesn't know about my tessen, Anjali thought happily, sliding it into her backpack. _And he's not going to find out, either._

Finally, at 5:35, she reached the car. Sure enough, darling Daddy was unhappy. Suffice it to say, that were he an anime character, there would have been many, many veins standing out from his forehead. As it were, there were a few bulging veins there by the time that Anjali reached the car. "Do you know how long I've been sitting here waiting for you?!"

"Thirty-five minutes?" Anjali asked cheekily.

"Nope. An hour! A full hour! Your mother was worried that I wouldn't make it through traffic, so she made me leave early. And on top of that, this Chichiri-mobile thing that's sitting in front of us keeps blasting Japanese music. It's giving me such a headache. And then all of these tiny Chichiris keep popping out and jumping on my windshield. Besides, I was worried SICK that you might have been squashed in that crowd!! Or worse!"

"I'm sorry," Anjali said, looking at her shoes. "I lost track of time and then I couldn't find Shanna to tell her that I was leaving. But, I did get you something..." 

Anjali began to grin. If there was one thing that would soothe her father's increasing impatience/road rage (directed at the Chichiri mobile), it was...

If her father had been an anime character, he would have had the big Chibi shiny eyes Vash had in the second episode of Trigun, much like Tamahome's eyes whenever he was offered money. "Oooh....a cinnamon soft pretzel!! Gimme!!"

After the pretzel vanished, Anjali's father pulled out of his space by the curb and began moving into the stream of creeping traffic. As their car inched its way past the Chichiri mobile, a new song began playing.

"'HEART ni Kiraboshi'!" Anjali cried, recognizing the song. "I love that song!"

__

hateshinai

KENKA BATORU

otokogi hake!

Rekka Shin'en

yowaki wo tasuke heiwa kachitoru made

She began to sing along with it, much to her dad's frustration. Suddenly, there was a small rushing sound behind her. Anjali turned in surprise, but saw nothing. Suddenly, her back began to get very hot, especially where her backpack rested against her spine.

"Hey...Is it hot in here, or just me?" her dad inquired, reaching for the air conditioner. 

"Sorry Dad. It's hot..." Anjali's eyebrows furrowed as she wondered if it were possible. _Nah. What am I thinking? I must have spent too much time staring at those dancing Tasukis. Still...It wouldn't hurt to try it out later... _Anjali thought, giggling to herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

****

What will Anjali do with the tessen?!

What ever could that little blast of heat have been?!

Will Shanna EVER let go of that Nuriko cosplayer?!   
(Nuriko: I feel special…Hoto-chan glomping me…)  
(TA: You wish)

Who in their right mind would cosplay as Miboshi?!

And Why would Miboshi ever pinch a girl's ass?!

TA: Nuriko, just…stop…

Nuriko: Aw, fine…


	3. Evil Mr. Odelson

Hiii! TA's turn for the author's notes! Part 3 of The Tessen Chronicles, wow. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far! Keep it up! Making this short and sweet, HuffPuff and I don't own the tessen. We still don't own anyone from Fushigi Yuugi. So sit back, relax, and please review before you leave! By-e!

Anjali slid into her seat and put her tray down at the table. She stared at the inedible substance in disgust. Shanna sat next to her, enjoying her lunch, whilst River was across the table, poking a fork at the lumpy brown mass.

"So, how was your...um...Fushugi Yuggi thing?" River inquired, mispronouncing the name badly. She didn't know much, if anything, about anime. Shanna rolled her eyes and stopped eating for a moment. "I messed that up again, didn't I?" River blushed lightly at her mistake.

"It's pronounced Foo-shig-ee Yoo-gee!" Shanna said. "How many times do I have to tell you that? You'd think that a show with so many bishies would be worth pronouncing correctly."

"Fushiggy Yougee?" River cringed slightly.

"You're hopeless," Anjali said, smiling and shaking her head. "But Shanna sure got her pronunciation's worth this weekend," she added slyly. Shanna shook her head frantically at Anjali, while River leaned forward. "Do you want to know what she did?"

"Of course!" River grinned. "Blackmail info any day, you know that."

"She handcuffed herself to a guy who was dressed as Nuriko. And she swallowed the key," Anjali said, smirking at the look on her friends' faces. Shanna was on the verge of choking on a bite of food, and River was grinning with delight.

"He's the healer, right?" River really WAS hopeless. But there's just no accounting for people who don't appreciate fine bishies. (Quite literally 'FINE bishies'.) "I know I'm way off, aren't I?" River sighed. "You DID get a picture, right?" River hinted. Her nickname wasn't 'The Blackmail Queen' for nothing.

"Anjali!" Shanna cried, when she finally could breathe again. "Stop it!" Shanna thwacked Anjali in the head with one of her Fushigi Yuugi mangas.

"Oww..." Anjali groaned. "How dare you abuse Fushigi Yuugi like that....OOH! Volume four! Gimme!" Anjali grabbed it out of Shanna's hands and began to flip through it for Tasuki pictures.

"Bad Tama-neko!" Shanna said, pulling the manga back before Anjali could drool over the bandit to her complete satisfaction.

"Tama-neko?" River asked.

"Oh, that's what she was for the convention--a cat! I think that she was trying to get Mitsukake to hit on her," Shanna said.

"Oh! That reminds me!" Anjali suddenly jerked up. "Guess what I got! Though I have half a mind not to let Shanna see it now. Mitsukake! As if!"

"Is it from the convention?" Shanna asked, looking very friendly. "Did you find that Nuriko Gaiden that I was looking for?"

Anjali would have sweatdropped if she were an anime character. "Not...quite..." She bent down to her backpack. "Take another guess."

"Is it something we can eat?" River asked.

Anjali shook her head. "Rekka Shinen!" she cried, pulling the tessen out of her backpack.

River eeped as she ducked a flame shooting over her head.

Shanna's eyes grew wide and starry. "Whoa! You found a fire-shooting tessen! How does it work? …Anjali?"

Anjali lay on the ground staring up at the ceiling. She was too much in shock to answer. "It...it....it's real...." she muttered, over and over, staring at the tessen in amazement.

As her senses gradually returned to her, Anjali examined the tessen more closely. There indeed was not any opening or trick mechanism that would allow the tessen to shoot fire. It was weighty, and it seemed almost to be made of diamond, just as the real tessen was. Anjali turned the tessen over and over in her hand, gazing at it in wonder. 

"Sweet!" River exclaimed, watching the fire burning in the cafeteria, her disposable camera getting as much as it as possible. She seemed to be unaltered by the risk she was taking just being there as others ran out screaming.

Anjali and Shanna exchanged glances. "Do you mean it, Anj? It's not some trick or something?" Shanna asked.

"See for yourself," Anjali said, handing the tessen to Shanna. "Though, we'd better get out of here now, before someone reacts to this little fire that I just caused."

"Check out that flame!" River exclaimed loudly. "Just beautiful! Hey guys, can you pose right over there?" River pointed to an area just in front of the burning flames.

"Let's go now, before River gets us into trouble," Shanna whispered. "No one will suspect her, but us on the other hand...we'd be just unlucky enough to get caught."

"We've got to go to class, River!" Anjali called, as Shanna dragged her out of the cafeteria.

By the time they neared the English class that they both shared, Shanna was convinced that the tessen was real. She'd turned it over, tried to pry it open, and even pounded it against her locker.

"Hey! Hey! Don't beat it up! You never know..." Anjali's eyes got big and shiny as a realization hit her. "Oh my GOD! What if Tasuki comes to get it back?!!"

"Do you think that he'd bring Nuriko with him?" Shanna asked, her eyes getting bigger and shinier by the second.

"What are you two talking about?" River asked, popping up behind them. For not knowing anything about anime, River sure could have been a character in one. Anjali could swear she'd caught River looking super-deformed a few times, though River never understood what she was talking about. And whenever River did something rather wicked, her glasses gave off the same evil gleam that those of an anime character might. Deep down, Anjali had her suspicions.

"Well?" River blinked all too innocently. "Gonna tell me or what?"

Anjali shrugged and took a deep breath. "Well, I will, but I don't know whether you will bel--"

"Believe it? I'll believe anything after seeing that thing!" River grinned wildly.

"I might get to meet Nuriko! Waiiiiii!" Shanna cried, happily off in her own little world.

River blinked. "The healer, right?"

"Mitsukake is the healer. Nuriko is the strong cross-dresser," Anjali explained patiently (it wasn't the first time, either).

"Oh yeah...I knew that." River grinned shyly. Anjali could have sworn she saw a sweatdrop form for a second.

__

I wonder if I sweatdrop. I wish that I could see the back of my own head, Anjali thought.

River smiled again. "So, what won't I believe?"

At that moment the bell rang, and the three girls scurried into the classroom. "Oh, great, Mr. Odelson. Nothing like this crappy class to bring me back down to earth," Shanna said.

"I'll tell you after class," Anjali whispered to River, as they took their seats.

River readied her camera in case of good photo opportunities as she sat next to Anjali. _If there was ever a time for me to sweatdrop, it's definitely now,_ Anjali thought. River was the only person that Anjali could think of who would be interested in taking photos of Mr. Odelson and his bizarre antics. Suffice it to say that English was not their burly teacher's finest subject.

"Wonder what crap he's gonna try and teach us today," Shanna whispered to Anjali.

"Probably how to train our non-existent pit bulls to attack," Anjali whispered back, rolling her eyes. She was referring to a few weeks earlier, when the class had been studying The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemmingway. Bull fighting had been a part of the plot of the novel, and somehow Mr. Odelson had managed to tie actual bulls to his pet pit bull, which resulted in an hour of discussion about dog training and obedience. 

"Maybe we'll learn how to paint our toenails," River joked.

"As all of you may know, the SATs are coming up soon. So, we're going to take today's class to study analogies," Mr. Odelson said. The class groaned consecutively, except for River. "Now, I'm not the best person when it comes to analogies... but I do have a trick or two that I can teach you. Open your vocabulary books to page 58, and let's go through a few together. Then, I'll let you practice silently for the rest of the period."

"Doesn't he realize that we'd probably be a lot better off if he just let us practice silently for the whole period," Anjali said, making a face.

"I just wanna see what this 'trick' is," River kept her camera ready for shooting, just under her desk.

"Let's look at the first analogy on the page," Mr. Odelson said. 

The analogy read as follows:

****

Streak:Creep

A) Inferno:Flame

B) Masticate:Chew 

C) Run:Walk

D) Zygote:Reproduction

E) Astute:Lugubrious

Shanna stared down at her book before leaning back into her chair and drifting off into her own little world of Nurikos. 

"Streak is to creep...hmm...now how should I explain this? Well, let's say that I took off all of my clothes and ran around the room..."

River, from her place, called out "DEMONSTRATION!"

"So, if I did run naked, what would you call what I was doing? Oh, you'd like a demonstration, River? Well, you read my mind. That's what I was planning to do all along. I'm sure that this will help all of you understand," Mr. Odelson said.

River glanced over at Anjali. It was almost clear what was running through her mind. Suddenly, Mr. Odelson began pantomiming stripping his clothes off. Next, he began to run around the room. 

Anjali held her backpack up in front of her eyes. The desks were in a semi-circle, and she was in the front of the two rows, so she was quite vulnerable to Mr. Odelson's antics.

"C'mon, use the fire fan thing..." River hissed, camera at the ready.

"You've got to be nuts, River! I don't want to see Mr. Odelson run around at all, and if I burn his clothes off..." Anjali shuddered. "Besides, I just can't look."

"Aw man...." River slumped down in her seat.

As Anjali set her backpack on the edge of the desk, Mr. Odelson made one of his laps and bumped into it. Her backpack went flying, and when it crashed to the floor, its contents spilled out. Including the tessen. 

"Shit!" Anjali whispered to River. "Help me pick this stuff up! Quickly!"

"Right!" River got up and moved to the front. As she moved to pick up the tessen, she froze as Mr. Odelson's hand met it at the same time. River clung to the tessen and tried to wrest it from his grasp, but it was no use.

"Let go, River," Mr. Odelson said.

"Sorry sir. Can't let go," River grinned slightly.

"It's a good thing that I'm stronger than you, little lady," Mr. Odelson said, pulling the tessen out of River's hand. 

Anjali, River, and Shanna stared at the teacher in shock. "What are you going to do with my stuff, Mr. Odelson?" Anjali asked in a low voice.

"Well, you can clean up your books, pencils, pens, and paper..."

"I ain't little..." River growled under her breath.

"But this bauble of yours now belongs to me," Mr. Odelson said.

"Can I get it back after class, Mr. Odelson?" Anjali asked crossing her fingers.

"Of course not! What kind of a teacher do you think I am? I'll never give this back to you!"

"Why not?" Anjali asked. "What's wrong with it?"

"You don't even know what it is!!" River shouted. "Okay, neither do I... But I have some idea!"

"Of course I know what it is," Mr. Odelson said disapprovingly.

"You do?" Shanna asked.

__

He knows anime?! Anjali thought to herself in amazement.

"Yes. And I'm must say, I'm very disappointed in you Miss Lakshmanan. Asking me what's wrong with carrying a sex toy around in your backpack. As if you have no idea that that is inappropriate behavior on school property."

Anjali could practically feel the world's largest sweatdrop building on her head. The rest of the class burst out laughing. Shanna was already on the ground twitching.

Anjali felt like crawling under her desk and disappearing. But the embarrassment wasn't the worst part_. I've lost the tessen! What if Tasuki comes looking for it and I can't give it back to him? I've got to get it back somehow, but stealing things out of teacher's desks is not exactly my specialty. But then...oh, being unable to steal! I would shame Tasuki even more! Aw man! I've just gotta get it back somehow..._

~~~~~~~~~

****

What will happen to the tessen in the hands of the teacher?!

Will Tasuki come to retrieve it?!

Will Shanna be able to glomp the real Nuriko?!

Why does Mr. Odelson think the tessen is a sex toy?!

And what in the world is he going to do with it?! O.o  
Tasuki: MY POOR TESSEN!! NOT MY BABY! NOOO!!!!  
Nuriko: This is very funny =D

Will River EVER be able to get Nuriko's position right?!

Or how to say "Fushigi Yuugi"?!

Find out (some of these) in the next installment!


	4. Pardon the Perverts

**__**

Notes: We still own nothing! No Fushigi Yuugi for us! Ehem. Huffpuff here. My turn to do the author note, so here I am. Let me see. That insane teacher from the last chapter was somewhat based on one that I had in real life. That is to say, the streak/creep episode, complete with pantomime demonstration really did happen. In fact, for creep, he even went so far as to mention that if he stripped in an all-girls' school, then he would 'creep' rather than 'streak'. Why, I really don't know. It was scary. Fortunately, he was a sub, so I wasn't stuck with him for more than a day. And he never had any involvement with tessens, that I know of—that was all from the twisted minds of TA Maxwell and Huffpuff! Just had to share my traumatic experience with you. Now, on with our story!   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tasuki awoke, clutching his head. Encountering Taiitsukun at that hour last night had given him something far worse than a hangover. Still though, it seemed like it had been nothing more than a bad dream. Or at least that's what he hoped as he awoke. 

"Kuso!" Tasuki cried, as he reached for his tessen. _She sent it to another dimension... What am I gonna do now? _Tasuki thought. _Once the others hear about this...oh shit....Tama's not gonna let up! Maybe she was just kidding. I mean, she wouldn't really send the tessen away, would she? What if Kutou attacks and we need it? Maybe she was just messing with me, and I'll go downstairs and find it on the kitchen counter. Wait a second...we're thinking about Sunukake Baba...the old hag wouldn't mess around...Kuso!! I've got to do something about this before the others get up. How am I gonna find it now? Well, next to me, Kouji is the one who knows the most about the tessen. Maybe he'd have some idea about where it went. How convenient that he's here at the palace right now. I'll just have to go and ask him._

Tasuki forced himself out of his bed, groaning slightly with his headache. (clean mind fangirls. he's got pajamas on =P) As he crept down the hall towards Kouji's room, he heard some very odd noises emanating from Chiriko's room at the other end of the hallway. 

"Oh, yeah! That's what I want to do! Nothing can stop me now!" Chiriko cried. 

"Well, not if I take your piece first," Mitsukake's voice replied. 

"But you could not have foreseen me taking your rook from the rear," Chiriko replied excitedly. 

Tasuki sweatdropped (because we know he IS an anime character, unlike River and Anjali, who are not!). _Rook? That's an odd name for it. I don't even wanna know, _Tasuki thought, hurrying away to Kouji's room. _I mean, Mitsukake and Chiriko? That's just...wrong. And is that even possible?_ Tasuki thought, considering their size differential. Tasuki shuddered at the mental image. Meanwhile, inside Chiriko's room, he and Mitsukake continued their chess match. 

Tasuki knocked on Kouji's door, which was closed. Slightly traumatized by the 'lovely' visions dancing in his head, he waited in silence for Kouji. After a minute, he spoke. "It's Genrou. Can I come in?" 

There was a long pause and a few rustling sounds. "Hai," Kouji replied. 

"What took ya so long?" Tasuki asked, walking into the room. 

"Why Genrou, I thought that you knew that I slept in the nude," Kouji said, smirking. Kouji knew that making jokes about Genrou fancying him was a sure path to annoyance. 

More lovely visions for Gen-chan. (Reow...more lovely visions for fangirls. =P) "Since when?" Tasuki asked, thinking back to when they'd shared a room at Mount Reikaku, when they'd both still been newly-minted bandits. 

"Well, ever since you stopped sharing a room with me. Especially with all of the feminine company that I tend to have." 

Tasuki secretly breathed a sigh of relief, until he took in the rest of Kouji's statement. "What is it with making me imagine things that I don't ever wanna see today?" 

"I'm not trying to make you imagine anything," Kouji said. "But who else gave you something to imagine today?" Surprisingly, Kouji liked to keep abreast of the palace gossip. 

"Mitsukake and Chiriko..." Tasuki said, shuddering. "I overheard them..." 

"Overheard them?" Kouji asked, unable to imagine where this could be going. (Can you blame him? Chiriko's still a kid.) 

"Doing...stuff..." Genrou said, looking even more disgusted. 

Kouji's jaw dropped. "You're kidding, right??" Tasuki shook his head frantically. Kouji grinned with an idea to haunt Tasuki's mind more. "Well, you know which one's gotta be on top. The big guy would squish the kid otherwise." 

Tasuki covered his eyes. "Why do I even tell things like this to a pervert like you? Thanks a lot for putting that picture into my head, Kouji!" 

"Anytime, Genrou. So, did you come down here just to tell me about your fornicatin' friends?" 

"BAD-MENTAL-IMAGES!!" Tasuki slapped his hands over his ears. 

"Are you jealous or something? Maybe you wanted the big guy for yourself," Kouji teased. 

"Dammit Kouji!! I'm gonna Rekka Shinen your ass!!" Tasuki shouted before he realized...he couldn't. 

Kouji caught sight of the forlorn look on Tasuki's face and stopped teasing him. "What's wrong, Genrou?" 

"Um...I...lost...." Tasuki forced himself to say. "It...yeah, lost it..." 

"Congratulations, Genrou! I'm so glad to hear that you're no longer a virgin! We should go out for a drink! So, who's the lucky lady? Or is it a fellow? Is that why you're so upset?" Kouji asked, unable to resist teasing Genrou further. 

"DAMMIT KOUJI I MEANT THE TESSEN!!" 

"You lost the tessen?!" Kouji asked, his jaw dropping. "I always knew that something like this was going to happen. I knew Hakurou made the wrong decision! But how could you be so careless with it?" 

"It wasn't my fault! Taiitsukun-" 

"So that's who the lucky lady was...wow, who knew you'd sink so low!" Kouji had been unable to resist. 

"When I get it back, friend or not, I'm gonna Rekka Shinen your ass..." 

"'Knock. Knock.' 'Who's there?' 'It's Genrou.' 'Genrou who?' 'Genrou, the baka who lost the leader's tessen.'"   
  
"No, seriously, your ass is getting fried..."   
  
"That's if you ever get it back, ne? I can't say that I'm too worried. What are you going to do to me--run in here with a candle and try to light me on fire?" 

"Oh, I can take you any day, Kouji, tessen or no tessen," Tasuki said, thwapping Kouji. 

"Be nice to your elders!" Kouji thwapped him back. 

We're sure by now that you readers can tell where this is going--straight into a thwapfest. And a noisy one at that. Before long, Kouji and Tasuki were rolling around the hallway, thwapping each other repeatedly. (Keep the clean minds kiddies, not THAT kind of rolling.) 

Meanwhile, Tamahome was walking down the hallway from the other direction, singing at the top of his lungs as he carried the neat stacks of coins that he had just counted. 

"_tooku kikoete'ru yo_

yoake no kehai ga suru

douyara kateta rashii

kurushii

tatakai ni

mata—"   


Tamahome's song was rudely interrupted when he was bowled over by a ball of thwapping bandits, who took no notice of his presence. His lower lip trembled as his precious coins went flying everywhere. A moment later, the ogre symbol on his forehead began to glow. At the sound of ryu hitting the wood, the two bandits froze. 

"Uh, I think that Tamahome might want to have a few words with you, Genrou," Kouji said, backing away. 

"You started it..." Tasuki dove behind his older blue haired friend. 

"Hey, if you hadn't lost the tessen, this wouldn't be a problem," Kouji replied, pushing Tasuki in front of him again. 

Tamahome paused. "What was that Kouji?" His hair fell down around his shoulders again. 

Then Kouji peeked out and to catch sight of Tamahome's slightly evil grin, and clapped his hand over his mouth. "Baka! What are you tryin' to do to me here?" Tasuki whispered over his shoulder. 

"You...lost the tessen?" Tamahome's grin widened. 

"'Course not. What kind of an idiot do you take me for?" Tasuki asked, trying to sound arrogantly confident. 

"Which means...you're unarmed...." Tamahome continued. 

"You are so dead Kouji..." Tasuki whispered. 

"It's your own fault in the first place." 

"This is great!! There's nothing you can do to me since you know I can whoop your ass any day!" (flashback to the episode with Evil Tamahome) 

__

That's it. Traumatizing time...Tasuki thought to himself. "Well, the only reason I lost it was because I flamed Taiitsukun while she was crawling through the palace looking for you." 

"Nani?!" 

__

Bingo. "Yeah, she was looking for you so she could *ahem* you." 

"And Miaka told me that she's fine with it," Kouji added, smirking at Tasuki. 

"So long as she doesn't have to watch. It might spoil her appetite or something," Tasuki added, smirking back at Kouji. 

BAM! Tamahome's head hit the floor in a dead faint. 

"Let's get outta here before he comes to," Genrou said, making a run for the stairs. 

"Just a second. I wanna see how he looks in Miaka's lipstick," Kouji said, sliding a tube of hot pink lipstick from his pocket. "It wasn't really my color, but you know, it really might work well with his complexion." 

"So that's where it went..." Tasuki said. "Miaka was lookin' for that, you know. You'd better get rid of it before we get downstairs, or you'll have to deal with her on your own." 

"All right," Kouji said, smiling to himself, as he slipped the lipstick into Tamahome's pocket. 

"Let's get goin' before the bottomless pit clears the breakfast table." 

"I'm right behind you," Kouji said, following his fiery friend. 

The two bandits hurried into the dining room, to find all of the other seishi there, save themselves and Tamahome. Tasuki blanched when they caught sight of Mitsukake and Chiriko sitting next to each other. 

Kouji's grin widened. "So, who enjoyed themselves this morning?" 

"What have you two been up to? There was a lot of noise up there a few minutes ago," Nuriko said, eyeing the bandits. 

Noticing Tasuki cringing, Kouji took it upon himself to speak. "Just the same thing Mitsukake and Chiriko were involved with." Tasuki looked like he was gonna be sick as he glared at Kouji. 

"It sounded like you two were rolling around on the floor, no da..." Chichiri said questioningly. 

"Well, sorta..." Kouji replied, grinning fiendishly at Tasuki. 

"Hitting each other. That's it." Tasuki spoke quickly. 

"You see, then, you are wrong. We played only in the comfort of my room," Chiriko interjected. "And really, you don't need to be so violent about it." 

"Played what?" Nuriko asked. 

Everyone turned to stare at Chiriko in shock. "Don't tell me you were fighting, Chiriko," Hotohori added. 

"Of course not," Mitsukake said. "I would never fight with Chiriko." 

"We were playing quite a rousing game of chess, actually," Chiriko said. 

"Chess? That's an interesting name…So that's what you guys call it..." Kouji said, acting intrigued. 

"Chess? I didn't know you were into chess, Tasuki," Nuriko glanced at his star brother. 

"I'm not..." Tasuki hissed. 

"I was just kidding," Kouji said. "We had a little spat, that's all. We don't _play _with each other like Mitsukake and Chiriko do." 

"Gee Tasuki...I guess I won't have to teach you, if you know how to I mean...I was gonna ask you tonight!" Chiriko stated. 

Tasuki turned a peculiar shade of green. "You were gonna ask _me_? 

"Hai!" Chiriko said eagerly. "Play chess with me, Tasuki! It's good and simple fun!" 

"_Chess._ If that's what ya wanna call it," Tasuki mumbled to himself with a disturbed statement. Then he raised his voice. "Gomen, Chiriko, but I'm really not interested in _chess_. _At all_," Tasuki added emphatically, shuddering at the thought. 

"Oh...Alright...I guess it'll be you and me again Mitsukake." Chiriko smiled up at his large friend. "Think Tama would want to try a paw at it?" 

"Ta--tama?" Tasuki asked, grabbing the cat from Mitsukake. "I just can't let you do that!" 

"Chichiri? Why does Tasuki look so disgusted?" Miaka asked. 

"I don't quite know, but I'm getting some ideas no da..." Chichiri shuddered. "I just hope that I'm wrong." 

"What's wrong with Chess, Tasuki? I mean, It's fun, despite being so simple. Even I get into it sometimes," Nuriko spoke between bites of food. 

"Now that I can believe," Tasuki said under his breath. 

"And the moves get more complicated, the more advanced your skills become," Chiriko added.

"Mitsukake is a really fast learner. I've only been teaching him for a few months, but he's caught on really quickly." 

Tasuki sweatdropped. "_He _taught _you_?" he asked, turning to Mitsukake. 

"Of course...he is the genius. And very talented at it." 

"Even I like to play now and then," Hotohori said. "Really? I never knew. Well, we'll have to get together sometime and see how we match up," Chiriko said. 

"You know, I'd love to play with some other partners," Mitsukake said. "It could really help me improve my skills. Chiriko is so good that I rarely get to catch any mistakes on his part." 

"But when he does, he really makes me pay for them," Chiriko replied with a smile. 

__

S&M?????!!!! Aieeeeeeee!!! Tasuki thought, as he fainted. Kouji himself looked a little green around the gills, and Chichiri just kept looking from Mitsukake to Hotohori to Chiriko and back again, cringing and shaking his head. 

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH EVERYBODY?!" Miaka yelled. 

"Please don't ask Miaka no da..." Chichiri continued shaking his head. 

"Nothing," Kouji added, rising from the table and backing away. "I'd better get Genrou upstairs so he can lie down." 

"It's just chess, Miaka. I don't know why you're getting so worked up about it," Nuriko said, shaking his head. Now, there's something you might want to get worked up about," Nuriko added, as Tamahome walked into the room, his mouth still smeared with bright pink lipstick. 

Chiriko, oblivious to Tamahome's entrance, dug into his pocket. "Maybe I should have shown them this." He held up a single pawn. "Mitsukake lost to this little guy!" Unfortunately, the only one who noticed Chiriko's gesture was Mitsukake, who smiled and nodded. 

"My lipstick!!!" Miaka screamed. "Tamahome!!! How a could you steal my lipstick?! And then, you show up, wearing it yourself?!" 

"Miaka, I have no idea what you're talking about!" Tamahome cried, running away from the pissed-off miko. 

Miaka pursued him. "Miaka is just so full of energy today," Hotohori said, smiling wistfully. Nuriko and the others sweatdropped. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

****

Will Chiriko teach Tasuki how to play Chess?!

Will Miaka get revenge for her lipstick?!

Will Tasuki EVER get the tessen back?!

And What _WILL_ happen to it now that it's in the hands of the teacher?!

Who are the perverts mentioned in the chapter title?!  
Tasuki and Kouji?! Chiriko and Mitsukake?! TA and HuffPuff?!(probably then)  
TA: Nuriko!!  
Nuriko: ^_^. Innocent


	5. Taiitsukun's New Soap Opera

****

Notes: We still own nothing! No Fushigi Yuugi for us!   


TA: Whee!! TA's turn TA's turn! *bounces around like Ed from Cowboy Bebop* Ehehe, as we said, we don't own nuthin except our own characters who should be BACK in the next chapter. Yay.   
  


So, when there wasn't trouble (ahem--Nakago!) in the world, Taiitsukun often ended up as she was now. Bored. Big time. She needed some entertainment. Taiitsukun frowned. Nyan-Nyan had just offered to fix her face for the hundredth time, Joe Schmoe was off on guard duty, and there was nothing whatsoever to watch on TV. Oh, yes, Taiitsukun was fond of TV. Unfortunately, the television she had swiped from Miaka's world was now only showing reruns of "The Youthful And The Sleepless". After all, it was tough to get the new ones into the book. That took a lot of effort on Taiitsukun's part. Plus, she was a little worried that someone would catch on, and she'd get sued for pirating television shows from another world. TV stations could be sooooo litigious.   


"Hmm...now, what could I do for fun around here? Since Joey Schmoey's off pouting and all... there's got to be something..."   


Her mind wandered around, searching for anything that would do. She was never fond of any other soaps, but she really didn't want to watch Tony and Blaire get into another argument for the third time.   


The wrinkled woman sighed, thinking of the times when she actually had things to do. Such as stalk Joe. As she remembered one certain time, an idea floated into her head. "Perfect! I am such an omniscient goddess," Taiitsukun told herself. _That would be amusing...so very amusing! And then, Joey Schmoey will be happy, too. He's been bugging me about that tessen non-stop. Of course, I could always bring it back myself. But that wouldn't be half as entertaining. _Taiitsukun smiled and cackled to herself.   


"After all, I'm sure that he'll be wanting it back by now..." She cackled to herself. With a wave of her hand, the air around the aged goddess shimmered, and three figures began to materialize. Taiitsukun chuckled to herself, as she allowed the three figures to drop to the floor. "I'm having fun already."   


"Fuck!" Tasuki's voice echoed around the palace of Taikyoku as his butt met the ground harder than he had expected.   


Thunk! Thunk! Naturally, Nuriko and Chichiri landed right on top of him. "Ooof!" he cried, as the air was forced out of him. And Chichiri's staff landed in a most unfortunate place...   


"Gomen, no da," Chichiri said apologetically.   


"Shiiiit!! Chichiriiiiii!!! Yer squishin' the family jewels!!" Tasuki shrieked, rather high pitched.   


Nuriko sniggered. Tasuki's curse got louder and strangely higher pitched. Nuriko chuckled. "What's with you, Tasuki? I've never heard you sing soprano before."   


"CHICHIRI MOVE YOUR GODS FORSAKEN STAFF!!!!! I HAPPEN TO LIKE LITTLE TASUKI THE WAY IT IS!!" 

"Eeep! Gomen, no da!" Chichiri immediately lifted his staff off of Tasuki, and proceeded to accidentally bonk Nuriko in the head with it. Well, they were all in one small pile, you know. No safe place for a staff.   


Nuriko quickly made the poor monk, and Tasuki, into wall angels. Taiitsukun was laughing harder than any "I Love Lucy" episode ever had made her laugh before.   


Taiitsukun, due to her hearty laughs, was enjoying this immensely already. "Well, boys, I just needed a little entertainment. That's all."   


Nuriko rose and rubbed his head. "So, why did you summon us here, Taiitsukun?" he asked.   


Taiitsukun managed to maintain enough dignity to stand, still chuckling, as Chichiri tugged his staff out of the wall and Tasuki shot glares at everyone around the room. "Well, Nuriko..." Taiitsukun began, "You may know already about Tasuki's...unfortunate circumstances regarding the tessen."   


"Unfort--?" Nuriko began.   


"NOOOOOO!!!" Tasuki cried. "Taiitsukun, onegai. If he finds out, I'll be wall meat for the rest of my life!"   


Nuriko's eyes lit up at this comment. "Oh DO tell Taiitsukun! Please!"   


"Of course. I'd be happy to," Taiitsukun said. You could see the amusement gleaming in her eyes, but she made her expression turn serious once again. "You see, I'm afraid that Tasuki has lost his--"   


"I've lost my--er--strap. Yeah, the strap for my tessen," Tasuki said, laughing nervously and sweatdropping. "That's what she was going to say." Suddenly, something occurred to Tasuki. _Taiitsukun can't be exactly proud of her obsession with Joe Schmoe. Maybe I can get her to keep her mouth shut if I threaten to tell the others about him..._ "Because, you know, certain people here wouldn't like it if I told the _full and completely unedited_ version of how the "_strap_" went missing," Tasuki said, shooting a meaningful look over at Taiitsukun.   


Taiitsukun's face reddened a shade. "Why you little scamp! Do you ever want to see your "strap" again? Because you'll keep your fanged mouth shut if you do."   


Tasuki gulped. "I'm gonna see my "strap" again? I thought it was gone for good..."   


Meanwhile, Chichiri looked puzzled. "Er...why are you so worried about your strap, no da?"   


Nuriko paused, thinking about all this. "Wait just a minute..." His grin widened. "Tasuki, even if you DID lose the strap, you'd still carry your tessen around with you, right?" Nuriko's face held a victorious grin.   


Tasuki froze. For a minute, he wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Er...well, I didn't want to lose it. So, I just kinda left it at the palace." Tasuki said a little prayer to Suzaku. _Please, please, please don't let Nuriko catch on. Please._

Nuriko sweatdropped. "We were just AT the palace you dolt."   


"That's true no da...you didn't have your tessen at breakfast, and you usually make a point to flame Tamahome no da."   


"Ahem. I mean, I left it in my room. I figured Tamahome had enough problems--showin' up in Miaka's lipstick like he did." Tasuki couldn't help but grin at the memory of that.   


"But that means you knew Tamahome would show up with Miaka's lipstick no da."

That wiped the grin off Tasuki's face quickly.   


__

Better to admit to that, than to let Nuriko catch on... "Well, I mighta had somethin' ta do with that..." Tasuki looked sheepish.   


"You've played tricks on Tamahome before and that didn't stop you from burning him." Nuriko crossed his arms stubbornly. Something told him Tasuki was trying to worm his way out of something. 

Taiitsukun sat watching the whole conversation, cackling to herself ever so often. She even had a Nyan-Nyan fetch her a lemonade. Watching Tasuki get pinned down was thirsty work.   


Chichiri hesitated. "Taiitsukun, did you steal Tasuki's tessen no da?" Tasuki paled.   


"I wouldn't call it stealing, if I were you, Chichiri," Taiitsukun said, looking slightly cranky. "I simply moved it from one place to another."   


Nuriko beamed at this new knowledge. "Oooh Tasukiiii!!"   


"SHIT!!"   


Chichiri sweatdropped as Taiitsukun began another fit of laughter while Nuriko chased after him with a random Nyan-Nyan as a beating stick.   


"So, what happened to the tessen, no da?" Chichiri asked loudly, trying to divert Nuriko's attention from hitting Tasuki for a moment. After all, Tasuki was hiding behind Chichiri at the moment, and the monk had no desire to take a Nyan-Nyan to the head.   


Unfortunately it didn't work. "ITAI NO DA!" Nuriko found the staff whacking him across the face for the second time, and again Chichiri became a wall angel.   


"Ahem...Much though I enjoy watching you beat the living daylights out of Tasuki, Nuriko, for the sake of my palace, I think I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from further wall damage while I explain what I'm going to do with you three," Taiitsukun said, rubbing her hands together eagerly.   


Nuriko put on his most innocent face and nodded. Then the innocent smile turned to a frown "going to do with us?"   


"Oh hell I thought you had Joe Schmoe for that you sick old woman!!" Tasuki obviously had the WRONG idea...   


"Joe...Schmoe...no da?" Chichiri blinked. "The palace guard? Does he run errands for you or something, Taiitsukun?"

Taiitsukun beamed at Chichiri._ Thank you for giving me a way out!_ "Why, yes, he does. Isn't that right, Tasuki?" Taiitsukun growled.   


Tasuki, who's hands were over his mouth tightly, only nodded.   


"Why would a palace guard run errands for you when you've got Nyan-Nyan and Chichiri?" Nuriko blinked innocently. Then Nuriko thought about the matter a bit more, recalling the looks that passed between Taiitsukun and Tasuki. Still, he was not stupid enough to comment on the Joe Schmoe issue. _If Taiitsukun wants to have a boy toy, I guess she can... I guess she can do whatever she wants... I'd say something, but it's not worth the risk of pissing her off..._   


"Anyway no da..." Chichiri decided to break the tension building quickly. "What did you bring us here for Taiitsukun no da?"   


"You see, as I was trying to say earlier, the tessen has been moved. Across dimensions, as it happens to be. So, someone needs to retrieve it. Clearly, we can't leave Tasuki defenseless for too long..." Taiitsukun smirked.   


"What...dimension would this be?" Nuriko asked, curious.   


"Oh, you know, the one that Miaka is from. Of course, her world is pretty big. I don't think that the tessen ended up in Japan...no, that's right. I sent it to the USA. I guess I was just thinking about my Y&S or something." Taiitsukun laughed at the inside joke.   


"Y&S no da?"   


"You watch soap operas?! Aw HELL!! No wonder you-" Tasuki's hand slammed over his mouth before he let another Joe Schmoe line go.   


Nuriko raised an eyebrow. "Just how did you know that Y&S was a soap opera anyway, Tasuki?"   


"You have no idea how many times Miaka was crying because of some damn couple breakin' up."   


Nuriko still didn't look satisfied.   


"Tamahome told me."   


Taiitsukun's eyes widened. "Wait! Which couple broke up?! Hurry and tell me! This could be important!"   


"How the hell should I know?!"   


Nuriko jabbed him.   


"Tony 'n' Blair."   


Chichiri couldn't help but laugh. "Tasuki watches soap operas no da!!"   


Taiitsukun glared at the monk. "Is there something amusing about someone who watches soap operas, Chichiri?"   


"Nope no da! Just Tasuki no da!"   


Nuriko too realized the humor of the situation and joined Chichiri in laughter. Meanwhile, Tasuki was getting pissed off. He turned bright red and made a rather ill-advised lunge at Nuriko. Nuriko forgot Taiitsukun's threat and made a wall angel right next to Chichiri's second one. 

"All right, Nuriko. You leave me no choice." Taiitsukun quickly summoned several Nyan-Nyans, who grabbed onto Nuriko's arms and legs. "This should keep you still until I get you out of my hair. Really, Nuriko, you have no respect for other people's things."   


Nuriko groaned. "Just PLEASE tell us why we're here!" 

"I thought I told you that." Taiitsukun huffed. "You've all going to Miaka's world to retrieve the tessen."  


"DAAA?!" Chichiri shrieked. Everyone all too well remembered his LAST trip to Miaka's world, when fangirls had near choked him to death. That was after the time the Yaoi fangirls got their hands on Chichiri and Tasuki. And as for Nuriko's previous trip...   


Taiitsukun turned and shot a glare towards the monk. "And I don't want to hear any arguments from any of you, either...

Chichiri was too busy hugging his knees in SD form to argue. Nuriko was beaming, remembering how he had been "forced" to make out with Hotohori his last visit.   


"We're gonna get my tessen back? Then I can have my revenge on Tamahome..." Tasuki had already decided that the lipstick incident was insufficient punishment for Tamahome. "Let's go!" Tasuki smiled fangfully at the thought. "Arigato, Taiitsukun!" For once, Tasuki was actually remembering his manners.   


"Why can't he go ALONE no da?!?!" Chichiri was obviously in pain at the thought of American fangirls. 

"Well, you must come to open the portal to and from that world, Chichiri," Taiitsukun said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "And Nuriko is there to keep Tasuki in line."   


"Don't you have anything that repels fangirls no da?!"   


"I'm sure that Tasuki does," Taiitsukun said, laughing heartily at her joke. "No, seriously, in America, you should just avoid anime conventions and the like. Other than there, people won't know who you are. It isn't like Japan." 

That didn't help much. "Can you open a portal Taiitsukun?" Nuriko asked.   


"Who do you think you're talking to. Of course I can." And so, with the wave of her hand, a portal to the other world opened up before the three seishi. "This should put you in close proximity to the tessen. I'll give this to you, Chichiri." Taiitsukun handed a wad of $100s to the monk. "It's all about the Benjamins, you know."   


Chichiri was still trembling in fear. Nuriko rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, you wimpy monk. You know you've gonna lose your monkness some day. Ya wanna be a virgin forever?" Nuriko chuckled, lifted the now terrified SD monk over his shoulder and took the money.   


"Let's get outta here!" With those words, Tasuki leapt into the portal. Nuriko soon followed, complete with Chichiri as a shoulder wrap.   


Taiitsukun cackled to herself and sat down on her poofy sofa. She turned on the TV and set it to follow the movements of the three seishi. Hey, she was powerful, 'n' stuff, so she could do things like that. She also remembered to pop a blank video into a nearby conjured up VCR. Hey, she could sell something like this on E-bay. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

****

Will Tasuki ever get his tessen from the clutches of the hentai teacher?!

Will Chichiri be forced into an empty classroom by yaoi fangirls?!

__

(TA: They do they die….)

What will happen when America and Fushigi Yuugi collide?!

WHY CAN'T NURIKO THINK OF ANY GOOD QUESTIONS?!?

__

(Nuriko: Aw, lay off…I'm trying)

Will you be good lil people and go to Battle of the Seishi on Huffpuff's account and vote for Tasuki n Kouji?!

__

(TA: There you go…)

(Nuriko: *bows*)


End file.
